malevolent voices

So, not sure what's up.

Going to go try and talk to the lady who can confirm my eligibility for hormones this week! Or at least make an appointment to do so.
 

That was all great, but then on the plane back yesterday Mum decided it would be a good time to talk about my sexuality with me, seeing as I couldn't escape. (And she wonders why I don't like talking to her much!) Anyway, the end result was that I found out that she's bi (apparently she knows this from what she called "first-hand experience", which was kinda mindblowing, considering she's my mum! xD) aaaand that she's outted me to Dad after I specifically asked her not to as I wasn't ready for him to know yet. At least he's cool with it.
By "it" I mean the fact that I also like boys. They know I'm transgendered, but they seem to want to persuade me out of it from what Mum's said so far. Which doesn't sound fun! But we haven't talked about it in any great depth yet, so I don't know exactly where they're planning to make their joint stand on that issue.

What Mum did take exception to was the fact that I was scared of her response and hid it from her - that, combined with every other thing I've ever hidden from her because I was scared of her response, has led her to declare that I'm unworthy of her trust (she's done this every time I've hidden from her so far, with worse consequences every time...) and that she doesn't feel that she can support me.
Add this to the one-credit-short fiasco from early January and she's decided it's not worth supporting me through university because she thinks the money would be a waste.
She has also accused me of constantly asking her for hand-outs, which is a lie. Considering that I was planning on getting through university without even thinking for a second that she was going to give me any money for it. Which is probably a good thing, seeing as she's not!

So basically, Australia was a brief reprieve before I get pushed into whatever-it-is Mum's decided would be the best path for me. She's also started asking me how I plan to pay back money for various things that I'd actually been told I didn't have to pay her back for! Which is nice.

All this combined has made me decide that it's probably better to go back to my initial plan... Which is to get a fulltime job for the year, if possible, and raise money to get into university next year as well as pay Mum back. My scholarship is valid for two years so it does work out, although I would have preferred to go to university this year.
I also need to move out. Not want, need. Because I really want to punch Mum in the face pretty much every time I see her looming in my doorway like some kind of bitchy harbinger of debt and depression. :/

So, I need to find a job and I need to find a place to live! But in the meantime I'm also going to try and persuade my school to let me try for the extra credit I missed next year, because then I can add being literate to my CV. Which would be nice!
Finding a job may be a bit problematic seeing as my interests in terms of jobs lie mainly in IT and I don't actually have any formal qualifications, seeing as I never took any IT. So, also on the list are free basic IT certification courses! If I have to get a department store job to survive, though, I will and I'll be happy about it.
Preferably I want a job at which I can transition socially to female, but NZ law says that as a trans person I do have to be given equal employment opportunities, so I guess it'll be okay most places??

But yeah, that's what life is being for me at the moment. While some of it sucks a lot, it is actually an opportunity I can use to get out of the same old cycle that I'm currently stuck in, so I guess that's good!
My life isn't the best, it isn't the worst, but I can definitely take it better places. Even if I do take more than two years before I go to university and lose out on the scholarship, if by that time I'm on the track I want to be? That's worth $2000 to me.

So in the end, I'm sitting in a place in between "WELL FUCK EVERYTHING" and "LIFE IS GOOD, LIFE IS GREAT 8D". Hopefully it heads more towards the latter. :p

I may make another post later if I've missed anything of importance, but I just wanted to share that with people!

Anyway! The Argentina trip is coming up soon - end of March! - so we have been practicing the haka (a traditional... war dance, I suppose? that the Maori do to impress each other when they go to visit other tribes) and learning various songs to sing to the Argentinians we'll be visiting. And there will be a blog, which I am in charge of, so I will link to that at some point! (Also Kelly if you're reading this, are you able to set up wordpress on a subdomain called argentina for me? I was going to call you about it earlier but hey!)

I've also been reading 1984 again and am again finding the parallels between Orwell's guesses and what's actually happening now rather creepy. I might write more about this later when I've got to the end of it again.

My only other piece of... news is that I may or may not have accidentally signed up to be the singer for some covers of Jethro Tull songs. This may or may not come up later. XD

That's all, folks!

... or rather, that was all, folks! Because I wasn't actually able to post this last night you now get tacked-on complaint about how I never actually get to post anything on Friday anyway. XD
Also, the Mario Bros. vs the Wright Brothers. Worth listening to!
And this being Saturday evening, I have been to see the Pokemon movie. It was basically a laugh-fest most of the way through, though Victini genuinely moved me and the end song and opening song were both really cool. I recommend that you guys watch it if you can!

Aaaand I've been given an accidental warning that the net's going soon, so this is getting posted immediately after I finish this sentence and type XD. XD

EDIT: This is a school haka here. Whoever uploaded it displays the standard Year 11 Maori mentality towards competition. They were also from Tait house. XD
I'm on the back right of the house with all the Maoris.
 

I also have the chance to do the Computing 103 Paper online this year so that's awesome, a head start - just need to persuade the teachers into letting me do it. But the teachers that I need to persuade are the same ones that just requested I re-do the logo of our school as a vector graphic without the pixellated edges that all of the current copies have, so I may try and bargain with them on that. :P

Classics is really, really awesome - the teacher is possibly the most interesting to listen to at the school (which I of course can't name because this is a public blog etc) aside from maybe the Spanish teacher. I'm going to try and get permission from him to record his lessons so if you're interested you can listen to his classes. For reference, when the teacher enters the class no-one talks. Not a syllable until the end of the period, at which point everyone lines up to ask him questions and discuss things. And it's not like he's banned us from talking, he's just that interesting. XD

Electronics is cool so far; we're programming some robots based on something called "stamp bs2" which runs PBASIC code, a derivative of BASIC. The only hard thing about the subject - at all - is how painfully slow the computers are. They're running Windows XP using Novell to connect to Windows Server 2003 - on 128 MB of RAM. The minimum recommended RAM for XP happens to be 513 MB.
Since the RAM is all old SDRAM I'll probably just take a box of that in and install it in the computers so we actually get more work done. XD;
Luckily I can run all the things I need off my laptop, so that's not such a priority yet!

Physics is great so far but I don't have much to say about it yet. XD


Then I have also had cool stuff arrive from overseas which I am happy with... MW and I will probably finally be cosplaying this year at Armageddon. XD
I've started recording some covers of some songs while I have time before school ramps up and starts getting difficult, so you guys may see these on here at some point soon. Expect a bunch of them to have the same four chords as each other. :P

Anyway that's about it for now!
oh, one last thing: it seems that my new irc username is dammit_bay. XD

EDIT: Also I don't know how to add breaks so my posts may be quite... prominent on the Reading page. If this bothers you and you know how to add breaks, do tell. XP