malevolent_voices: (Default)
So! Lots have things have changed in my life since my last post! LOTS of things!
My online-friends-met total currently stands at five, which is awesome! :D
I came out to my parents, which is awesome for one reason and has brought a baggage train of suck along with it as well. I'll get to that later.

Went to Australia, as most of you reading this no doubt know, to visit friends and relatives and stuff, Mum's shout. Which was good, seeing as I didn't have the money for it. At the same time, I also met up with Amy, Marcin and Jess, all of whom are just as awesome offline as online! Although Marcin doesn't pout nearly as much online. xD
We met up and had lunch and browsed shops and stuff a bit on one day, and on the second explored an interesting stage of the life cycle of the juvenile Australian Citizen on the other, following which we (again) had lunch and went to the beach. Where Amy and I built a sand castle in the shape of a penis while Marcin looked on horrified and Jess took a video, I think. Maybe. :p

That was all great, but then on the plane back yesterday Mum decided it would be a good time to talk about my sexuality with me, seeing as I couldn't escape. (And she wonders why I don't like talking to her much!) Anyway, the end result was that I found out that she's bi (apparently she knows this from what she called "first-hand experience", which was kinda mindblowing, considering she's my mum! xD) aaaand that she's outted me to Dad after I specifically asked her not to as I wasn't ready for him to know yet. At least he's cool with it.
By "it" I mean the fact that I also like boys. They know I'm transgendered, but they seem to want to persuade me out of it from what Mum's said so far. Which doesn't sound fun! But we haven't talked about it in any great depth yet, so I don't know exactly where they're planning to make their joint stand on that issue.

What Mum did take exception to was the fact that I was scared of her response and hid it from her - that, combined with every other thing I've ever hidden from her because I was scared of her response, has led her to declare that I'm unworthy of her trust (she's done this every time I've hidden from her so far, with worse consequences every time...) and that she doesn't feel that she can support me.
Add this to the one-credit-short fiasco from early January and she's decided it's not worth supporting me through university because she thinks the money would be a waste.
She has also accused me of constantly asking her for hand-outs, which is a lie. Considering that I was planning on getting through university without even thinking for a second that she was going to give me any money for it. Which is probably a good thing, seeing as she's not!

So basically, Australia was a brief reprieve before I get pushed into whatever-it-is Mum's decided would be the best path for me. She's also started asking me how I plan to pay back money for various things that I'd actually been told I didn't have to pay her back for! Which is nice.

All this combined has made me decide that it's probably better to go back to my initial plan... Which is to get a fulltime job for the year, if possible, and raise money to get into university next year as well as pay Mum back. My scholarship is valid for two years so it does work out, although I would have preferred to go to university this year.
I also need to move out. Not want, need. Because I really want to punch Mum in the face pretty much every time I see her looming in my doorway like some kind of bitchy harbinger of debt and depression. :/

So, I need to find a job and I need to find a place to live! But in the meantime I'm also going to try and persuade my school to let me try for the extra credit I missed next year, because then I can add being literate to my CV. Which would be nice!
Finding a job may be a bit problematic seeing as my interests in terms of jobs lie mainly in IT and I don't actually have any formal qualifications, seeing as I never took any IT. So, also on the list are free basic IT certification courses! If I have to get a department store job to survive, though, I will and I'll be happy about it.
Preferably I want a job at which I can transition socially to female, but NZ law says that as a trans person I do have to be given equal employment opportunities, so I guess it'll be okay most places??

But yeah, that's what life is being for me at the moment. While some of it sucks a lot, it is actually an opportunity I can use to get out of the same old cycle that I'm currently stuck in, so I guess that's good!
My life isn't the best, it isn't the worst, but I can definitely take it better places. Even if I do take more than two years before I go to university and lose out on the scholarship, if by that time I'm on the track I want to be? That's worth $2000 to me.

So in the end, I'm sitting in a place in between "WELL FUCK EVERYTHING" and "LIFE IS GOOD, LIFE IS GREAT 8D". Hopefully it heads more towards the latter. :p


I may make another post later if I've missed anything of importance, but I just wanted to share that with people!

malevolent_voices: (Default)
 I feel a bit bad about the first two entries here being sort of... well, you know what I mean if you actually read them. Mainly complaints about my mother and me being worried and confused. XD;
So here is a bit of finality:
1. Staying at school for now! :D
   This is because I managed to persuade the school to let me take a subject (Statistics w/ Modelling) that will enable me to get into the degree I want to in university.  This means I get to go to Argentina after all - $5000 not wasted! 8D
2. Waikato Uni has said they'll accept me even if I can't get all the credits (which will only be due to time restrictions in the exams, if at all) as long as I can prove that I know what I need to know. And it's not like the 18 Maths credits required for it are particularly hard to obtain anyway.

and now other things!

I also have the chance to do the Computing 103 Paper online this year so that's awesome, a head start - just need to persuade the teachers into letting me do it. But the teachers that I need to persuade are the same ones that just requested I re-do the logo of our school as a vector graphic without the pixellated edges that all of the current copies have, so I may try and bargain with them on that. :P

Classics is really, really awesome - the teacher is possibly the most interesting to listen to at the school (which I of course can't name because this is a public blog etc) aside from maybe the Spanish teacher. I'm going to try and get permission from him to record his lessons so if you're interested you can listen to his classes. For reference, when the teacher enters the class no-one talks. Not a syllable until the end of the period, at which point everyone lines up to ask him questions and discuss things. And it's not like he's banned us from talking, he's just that interesting. XD

And the Spanish teacher - "If they don't shut up and start speaking spanish then I will get you to sing all period. Yes?" XD
For those of you who know Misheard Whisper (probably everyone following me at this point! *is predictably not famous at all* :D), he is also in this class, which makes it twice as fun.

Electronics is cool so far; we're programming some robots based on something called "stamp bs2" which runs PBASIC code, a derivative of BASIC. The only hard thing about the subject - at all - is how painfully slow the computers are. They're running Windows XP using Novell to connect to Windows Server 2003 - on 128 MB of RAM. The minimum recommended RAM for XP happens to be 513 MB.
Since the RAM is all old SDRAM I'll probably just take a box of that in and install it in the computers so we actually get more work done. XD;
Luckily I can run all the things I need off my laptop, so that's not such a priority yet!

Physics is great so far but I don't have much to say about it yet. XD

Then I have also had cool stuff arrive from overseas which I am happy with... MW and I will probably finally be cosplaying this year at Armageddon. XD
I've started recording some covers of some songs while I have time before school ramps up and starts getting difficult, so you guys may see these on here at some point soon. Expect a bunch of them to have the same four chords as each other. :P

Anyway that's about it for now!
oh, one last thing: it seems that my new irc username is dammit_bay. XD

EDIT: Also I don't know how to add breaks so my posts may be quite... prominent on the Reading page. If this bothers you and you know how to add breaks, do tell. XP

Mum again

Feb. 5th, 2012 10:30 pm
malevolent_voices: (Default)
let's just say, to be quick, that I now have no idea whether I'm in high school or not. Because I was, then I wasn't and that was rather upsetting and then I was again and now I may or may not be.
Which means yay I'm even more angry with Mum than I usually am because she won't tell me! :D
And as usual it's not like I have any say in the matter.
Oh and also the Friday night thing still.
Happy, happy, happy!

EDIT: also I'm aware that I haven't replied to any of your comments on the other post I made - I was very happy to receive them and have in fact written replies to many of them but managed to lose them through dad resetting the router randomly at one point. <.


malevolent_voices: (Default)

January 2013

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