malevolent_voices: (Default)
malevolent_voices ([personal profile] malevolent_voices) wrote2013-01-27 05:49 pm

Whooooa, long time without a post!

So! Lots have things have changed in my life since my last post! LOTS of things!
My online-friends-met total currently stands at five, which is awesome! :D
I came out to my parents, which is awesome for one reason and has brought a baggage train of suck along with it as well. I'll get to that later.

Went to Australia, as most of you reading this no doubt know, to visit friends and relatives and stuff, Mum's shout. Which was good, seeing as I didn't have the money for it. At the same time, I also met up with Amy, Marcin and Jess, all of whom are just as awesome offline as online! Although Marcin doesn't pout nearly as much online. xD
We met up and had lunch and browsed shops and stuff a bit on one day, and on the second explored an interesting stage of the life cycle of the juvenile Australian Citizen on the other, following which we (again) had lunch and went to the beach. Where Amy and I built a sand castle in the shape of a penis while Marcin looked on horrified and Jess took a video, I think. Maybe. :p

That was all great, but then on the plane back yesterday Mum decided it would be a good time to talk about my sexuality with me, seeing as I couldn't escape. (And she wonders why I don't like talking to her much!) Anyway, the end result was that I found out that she's bi (apparently she knows this from what she called "first-hand experience", which was kinda mindblowing, considering she's my mum! xD) aaaand that she's outted me to Dad after I specifically asked her not to as I wasn't ready for him to know yet. At least he's cool with it.
By "it" I mean the fact that I also like boys. They know I'm transgendered, but they seem to want to persuade me out of it from what Mum's said so far. Which doesn't sound fun! But we haven't talked about it in any great depth yet, so I don't know exactly where they're planning to make their joint stand on that issue.

What Mum did take exception to was the fact that I was scared of her response and hid it from her - that, combined with every other thing I've ever hidden from her because I was scared of her response, has led her to declare that I'm unworthy of her trust (she's done this every time I've hidden from her so far, with worse consequences every time...) and that she doesn't feel that she can support me.
Add this to the one-credit-short fiasco from early January and she's decided it's not worth supporting me through university because she thinks the money would be a waste.
She has also accused me of constantly asking her for hand-outs, which is a lie. Considering that I was planning on getting through university without even thinking for a second that she was going to give me any money for it. Which is probably a good thing, seeing as she's not!

So basically, Australia was a brief reprieve before I get pushed into whatever-it-is Mum's decided would be the best path for me. She's also started asking me how I plan to pay back money for various things that I'd actually been told I didn't have to pay her back for! Which is nice.

All this combined has made me decide that it's probably better to go back to my initial plan... Which is to get a fulltime job for the year, if possible, and raise money to get into university next year as well as pay Mum back. My scholarship is valid for two years so it does work out, although I would have preferred to go to university this year.
I also need to move out. Not want, need. Because I really want to punch Mum in the face pretty much every time I see her looming in my doorway like some kind of bitchy harbinger of debt and depression. :/

So, I need to find a job and I need to find a place to live! But in the meantime I'm also going to try and persuade my school to let me try for the extra credit I missed next year, because then I can add being literate to my CV. Which would be nice!
Finding a job may be a bit problematic seeing as my interests in terms of jobs lie mainly in IT and I don't actually have any formal qualifications, seeing as I never took any IT. So, also on the list are free basic IT certification courses! If I have to get a department store job to survive, though, I will and I'll be happy about it.
Preferably I want a job at which I can transition socially to female, but NZ law says that as a trans person I do have to be given equal employment opportunities, so I guess it'll be okay most places??

But yeah, that's what life is being for me at the moment. While some of it sucks a lot, it is actually an opportunity I can use to get out of the same old cycle that I'm currently stuck in, so I guess that's good!
My life isn't the best, it isn't the worst, but I can definitely take it better places. Even if I do take more than two years before I go to university and lose out on the scholarship, if by that time I'm on the track I want to be? That's worth $2000 to me.

So in the end, I'm sitting in a place in between "WELL FUCK EVERYTHING" and "LIFE IS GOOD, LIFE IS GREAT 8D". Hopefully it heads more towards the latter. :p


I may make another post later if I've missed anything of importance, but I just wanted to share that with people!

bay_alexison: (Default)

[personal profile] bay_alexison 2013-01-27 07:17 pm (UTC)(link)
Saw the pic of you and Marcin from Amy's DW, very nice. XD And lol you and Amy making a penis sandcastle.

Yeah, your parents probably not wanting you to be transgendered anymore doesn't sound good at all. Hopefully that'll sort out soon.

Good luck with your future plans! I'm sure you'll figure everything out eventually.
xfeiticeira: (Default)

[personal profile] xfeiticeira 2013-01-28 11:01 am (UTC)(link)
wait hold up I'm lost... are you a dude or a girl? LOL O.O (or in an even more direct way, do you have a penis or vagina? not trying to be a dick but just direct LMAO)
hopefully you find a job, it's so tough finding a part time job if you have a lack of experience. at least here in Australia. full time job shouldn't be too hard though, there's heaps of traineeships here in Australia :D and I know how you feel about wanting to move out.
me personally, I want to move out by 25.
deenaa: (Default)

[personal profile] deenaa 2013-01-28 01:11 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm not sure that you know this, but being male or female doesn't have anything to do with what your sex is. Being male or female is GENDER, and having a penis or vagina is SEX.

Sex is private, and gender is whatever a person says they are. Your direct method is actually quite offensive to people who struggle with gender identity, alright? I'm sure you don't intend to be, but that doesn't make it okay.

Just been more careful about this stuff in the future, please.

And to answer your question, Mia is a girl.
xfeiticeira: (Default)

[personal profile] xfeiticeira 2013-01-29 01:08 am (UTC)(link)
@deenaa: LOL, ah I see. cheers. true that lmao. and yeah I guess and yup I wasn't trying to be offensive, but I just can't help but be a direct person. lmao. it's just the way I am - straight to the point, and no sugarcoating lol. ESTJ personality types ftw ;) LMAO

@malevolent_voices: ah I see. i'm not sure how the NZ education system works, but I'm sure you'll be fine :D if it's like Australia, there's heaps of pathways and short courses and shit like that you could do - just all about that patience!
deenaa: (Default)

[personal profile] deenaa 2013-01-29 01:23 am (UTC)(link)
Well frankly mate, you were very offensive, even if you didn't realise it. It's not 'sugarcoating' to be invasive about someone's sex, it's just, well, invasive.

Being blunt or direct and then tacking on a 'no offence!' doesn't make that sort of thing okay. Trust me, when I was younger I learned this the hard way. In fact, it frankly makes it worse because you're acting like you can say hurtful things and people aren't allowed to get angry about it.

We're all going to make mistakes about things we don't understand, but in that situation, the correct thing to do is apologise sincerely and learn from it, not just dismiss it as your 'personality'. :I
xfeiticeira: (Default)

[personal profile] xfeiticeira 2013-01-29 09:51 am (UTC)(link)
LOL... I guess I'll apologise if Mia felt I was being invasive, but that's only if [b]she[/b] felt that way - I refuse to apologise unless [b]she[/b] felt offended by it. Why do I refuse? Well, it wouldn't be sincere and like I said before, I'm very straight forward and hate BS'ing and lying (unless done jokingly).

Meh, well it is what it is. Honestly, I could care less of a fuck if I offend people with my language. If I felt insulted by someone, I'd make sure they know what's up and fully expect people to do the same, not be a bitch about it. And if it's really just someone being blunt/honest/straight forward, I take it for what it is and love them for that lol, that's my kind of person.

The internet is full of trolls and keyboard warriors everywhere and to get hurt by someone that's just being honest with no trolling intent, and a person from another country at that? I don't know man, I just don't see how people get offended by that, honestly.
xfeiticeira: (Default)

[personal profile] xfeiticeira 2013-01-29 11:08 am (UTC)(link)
LOOOL alright :P yeah I guess that's true and my apologies if you didn't like me asking that question here! LOL I'm just used to talking dirty with all my mates, both guys and girls LMAO.

and yeah ROFLMAO I just have a really bad memory x_x ahahaha. and yeah let's end this conversation here :D as Mike Goldberg would say "AND IT IS ALL OVER!!!"